I could have mohawked her pubes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
