It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
