they need to just BURY HIM!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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