Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
