Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
