'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize