our cab driver is having phone sex.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's blow job season.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
