We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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