i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
