It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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