At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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