What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
