this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
