He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
