capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
