ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
