I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
