Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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