I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
