how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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