Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
