Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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