She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
