since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
