I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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