I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize