Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize