I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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