woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
