I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
