It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize