I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
