i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
