are you still at the devil's house?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
