I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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