Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
