Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you didnt know i had herpes?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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