Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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