am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
