well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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