I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
