is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
