the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's Friday. Sex?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
