dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize