I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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