Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
