come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
