Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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