from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
