I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
