pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
