1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
