i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
