Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
