ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
