I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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