Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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