Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
