How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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