hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
