I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
