Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
