i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
