i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
