I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
