It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
