I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize