Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
