Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize