maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
